P A S T

T R I P T I

I was sitting beside Arushi on the seat with a bowl of popcorn balanced comfortably in my lap.

I didn't really want to come, but with my parents away and the house feeling unusually quiet, being alone didn't sound appealing at all.

At least here there was noise, voices, laughter and the constant rustle of snack packets.

The game hadn't even started yet and I already finished two full packets of popcorn.

I shouldn't eat this much.

"It's going to start!" Arushi jumped on her seat being excited.

I barely looked away from the field.

"What's so special in this ?" I asked being bored.

"Our team is kinda hot" she winked at me, clearly far more invested than I was.

Moments later, the stadium erupted. The crowd went wild as both teams walked in.

Without even realizing it, my posture straightened, my casual gaze turned alert. My eyes skimmed over the players instinctively, searching.

Number 7.

There he was.

The game began. Everyone around me shouted and clapped, while I sat quietly, chewing popcorn and pretending to follow the match even though most of it made no sense to me.

My attention drifted between the game and my thoughts, occasionally snapping back whenever that familiar jersey flashed across.

I popped another handful into my mouth, absentmindedly.

The popcorn is tasty.

After a while, the crowd got crazy as our team won the match. The stadium echoed with cheers and whistles, the noise so loud it felt like it could shake the ground beneath our feet.

Arushi screamed at the top of her lungs, jumping up and down while I clapped lazily, still processing what just happened.

He was drenched in sweat as he brushed his hand along his hair.

Under the bright lights, his skin was glistening as he smiled and waved at the crowd.

My breath hitched when his gaze lifted and unfortunately, our eyes met. My heart skipped a beat. I immediately shrank into my seat and sank lower, hoping desperately that he hadn't really seen me.

It would be embarrassing as hell.

After the match, I didn't wait even a second longer. While Arushi wanted to stay, to cheer for them till the very end.

I wasn't interested anymore. Without another glance at the field, I slipped away and headed straight home.

"Maa papa ? I thought you two won't come till tomorrow" I said as I hugged papa while sitting beside him.

"We brought you new dresses... it's in your room" papa said.

"Really ? Thank you" I jumped in happiness and ran to my room.

And there it was a suitcase full of dresses and jewellery, neatly arranged, colors and sparkles catching my eyes all at once.

I stood there for a moment and just stared, a wide smile spread across my face.

That's what I love the most in this whole world.

______________

P R E S E N T

"Madam ?"

"Madam ?"

I snapped back from my daze as I looked toward the source of the sound, my thoughts scattered all at once.

The world around me came back into focus, the dim lights, the heaviness of time I hadn't noticed slipping by.

"It's already night. You have been here since morning" the old man said. Only then did it hit me how lost I was, so deeply wrapped in my own thoughts that hours passed without me realizing.

"Ji thank you" I said with a polite smile, before walking back to my car. As soon as I got in, I checked my phone.

It's 10 in the night.

Shit.

Now I'll get a lecture from my mother-in-law.

I drove back to the mansion.

As I stepped inside, I braced myself, fully prepared for her sharp words but none came.

How is this possible.

Oh it was because, she was sitting with her friend, practically a doctor.

"Idhar aao, bahu" she called me.

(Bahu come here)

She refers to me as 'bahu' only in front of others.

I quietly walked over and sat beside her, my heart was still racing, unsure of what was coming next.

"Jara jaanch kariyo" she said to her friend and before I could even react, the woman leaned closer and gently held my wrist.

(Check her)

Her fingers pressed against my pulse, then her hand lifted my chin slightly as she examined my eyes, her expression was far too serious for my liking.

"Mai bimar nhi hu" I said in disbelief and pulled my hand back.

(I am not sick)

"Periods mein koi dikkat h tumhe ?" her friend asked casually.

(Are you having any problem with your periods?)

And then it hit me.

They were talking about the morning thing.

The kid thing.

My jaw tightened. I bit my lips hard, holding myself back from shouting at both of them. My nails dug into my palms as I forced myself to breathe, to stay calm.

I smiled, sweet, controlled and fake.

"Mujhe.. koi dikkat nhi h" I said with a sweet smile, even though my chest felt tight.

(I... don't have any problem)

"8 saal..." maa started.

"Bas kariye !!" I stood up in anger. The room went silent. She looked at me, her eyes were burning with anger as shock flashed across her face.

(Stop it!!)

I knew I don't have control over my mouth anymore. The words had slipped out before I could stop them.

Not waiting for another reaction, I immediately turned and left for my room.

Once inside, I shut the door behind me and sat on the bed. The strength drained out of my body all at once. I pulled the duvet over myself, curled up beneath it and finally let the tears flow freely, silently soaking into the pillow.

I am exhausted.

Too much exhausted.

I might have drifted to sleep because I woke up to his sudden voice that pulled me out of the heavy fog I was drowning in.

"Tripti ? Kya hua h tumhare aur maa ke beech mein ?"

(Tripti? What happened between you and Maa?)

I blinked a few times, my eyes were burning as I pushed the duvet away and looked at him.

He was standing near the door, coat still on, tie slightly loosened, late again, as usual.

"Apko aaj maine jaldi aane ko kaha tha na ?" I asked as I stood up.

(I told you to come early today, didn't I?)

"Maine kuch pucha ? Maa roo rhi thi" he said in disbelief.

(Did I ask anything? Maa was crying)

So was I.

"Unko bacha chahiye" I said blankly.

(She wants a kid)

He stared at me and took deep breaths, as if trying to keep himself composed.

"Don't bring this right now" he said in a low tone.

"Meri galti h, Abhi ?" I asked as I stepped closer to him, the distance between us shrank but the gap was feeling wider than ever.

(Is it my fault, Abhi ?)

"Kisi ki galti nhi h isme. Tum dono bas jhagra mat kiya karo" he said calmly, almost too calmly.

(It's nobody's fault. You two should just not fight)

"Meri galti h ?" I again asked as I stood right in front of him, searching his face for something, anything.

(Is it my fault?)

Come back, Abhinav.

Bring my husband back.

"Tripti, uss baarein mein baat nhi kar rha mai" he said while avoiding my eyes.

(Tripti, I'm not talking about that)

"Mujhe karni h" I said.

(I want to)

"Don't be ridiculous" he said as he loosened his tie and turned slightly away from me, as if the conversation itself was tiring him.

"Fine" I said softly.

I walked back toward the bed and lay down, turned my back to him and pulled the duvet all over me like a shield, hiding my face, my tears, and everything I didn't have the strength to say anymore.

After a while, I felt the mattress dip beside me. His presence came and before I could react, his arm slid around my waist and pulled me closer to his chest. The warmth of his body seeped through the layers between us, but instead of comfort, it only made my chest tighten.

I jerked his hand away and moved aside, creating distance. For a moment, there was silence but then he caught my waist again, stronger this time and pulled me back. In the next instant, he hovered over me.

"Kis baat ki itni narazgi h tumhe ?" he asked, his breath fanning against my lips.

(What are you so upset about?)

He doesn't know.

He doesn't want to know.

He never ever tried.

"So jate h" I said quietly and closed my eyes. Even with them shut, I could still feel his breath lingering too close, too heavy. I stayed completely still, hoping he would assume I had fallen asleep.

(Let's sleep)

Then I felt it.

His lips on mine.

My eyes flew open in shock as I looked at him. His eyes were open too, fixed straight on mine.

Before I could process anything, his hand moved down as he started pulling my saree up.

I pushed him hard by his chest.

"Ky kar rhe ho" I said firmly.

(What are you doing ?)

"Bacha chahiye na tumhe ? Let's be quick then" he said while breathing deeply.

(You want a kid right ? Let's be quick then)

He didn't get my words.

I bit my lips, held myself back from saying something harsh. My throat burned.

Calm down Tripti.

Calm down.

"Mujhe neend aa rhi h" I said with a straight face.

(I am feeling sleepy)

He stared at me for a few seconds, searching, maybe for anger, maybe for weakness then slowly he stood up from the bed.

"Fine. Good night" he said and walked out of the room.

With a long exhale, I turned around, facing the other side of the bed. I tried to sleep, forcing my breathing to steady, forcing my thoughts to quiet down even though a tear slipped out, soaking silently into the pillow.